


I Remember

by zorana



Series: I Remember [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hand Jobs, Historical Trauma, M/M, Mission Fic, No one is a virgin, Quests, References to Finn's trauma (non-explicit), References to historical Sith-related enslavement, Resistant Histories, Survivor Histories, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7348159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorana/pseuds/zorana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Resistance receives a mysterious message it's up to Finn and Poe to go on the hunt for some answers. What they didn't expect was to find them in both Poe's past and Finn's future...</p><p>Many thanks to @stepquietly and @manderkat for the beta and encouragement!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Remember

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SidleyParkHermit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidleyParkHermit/gifts).



“Boss, we’ve got a problem. The General wants to see you stat.”

Poe jerked awake at the growled command, pilot-honed senses snapping him into alertness immediately. He squinted up into Jessica’s annoyed face and found himself grinning automatically at her annoyance.

“Any idea what’s up?”

“I don’t get paid enough to risk asking questions when she gets that glint in her eye.” She grinned back a little gleefully now that he was awake, obviously happy to not be in the firing line this time.

“None of us get paid very much at all, Pava.” Poe pointed out as he stretched his protesting body. He wasn’t getting any younger for sure.

“As long as I can afford to buy the next pretty girl I see a drink, I’m fine, boss!” Jessica slipped into his vacated bunk with a cheeky wink, already halfway asleep by the looks of it.

Poe pulled on a shirt as he thought back to the last time he had bought a pretty anyone a drink and felt rather deflated. He wasn’t that old!

Shrugging off his depressing lack of a love life – no, really, it couldn’t have been that long right? – he tapped BB8 to wake the droid up from its charging station and started jogging towards command.

BB8 beeped, first quietly as initial protocols ran, and then more demandingly as it realised where they were heading.

_Beep! Whrrrrrr! Boop!_

“I don’t know, buddy. The general wants us at command pronto.”

BB8 started scrolling through all recent communications it had access to immediately to see if it could spot something. Poe turned to grin at it approvingly.

“Good thinking! Keep me in the loop if you find something.”

Distracted by BB8, Poe didn’t realise someone had stepped into his path until it was too late. The other person obviously hadn’t seen him coming either and they went down in a tangle of limbs.

“Kriffling hell, why don’t you watch where you’re going!”

Poe disentangled himself enough to raise his head and found himself looking down at Finn’s indignant face.

“Poe! Come on, man, it’s too early for this!”

Poe couldn’t help but laugh at Finn’s grumpiness, pushing himself back so he was kneeling up between his outstretched feet.

“Sorry, buddy. Gotta test your reflexes now that you’re all healed up!” He teased lightly.

Finn’s eyes narrowed just a little but that was all the warning Poe got before he was suddenly pushed backwards and pinned in a textbook move, hands immobilized over his head.

“You were saying?” It was now Finn’s turn to grin down at him. “Quick enough for you, hot-shot?”

Poe felt a little breathless as he tested Finn’s hold, already knowing he wouldn’t be able to break it with the lack of leverage he had in this position.

“Gentlemen, if you’re _quite_ done.”

_Oh shit._

* * *

 

Ten minutes later found everyone in the command center. Finn and Poe were avoiding each other’s eyes because otherwise they were gonna set each other off again and clearly the General was not in the mood for shenanigans this morning.

“I’m not in the mood for shenanigans this morning, boys.”

Poe suppressed a snort and could have sworn he heard the quietest snorfle from his left.

“No, sir!” Both he and Finn echoed in tandem.

Leia looked up from the holos she was reading and quirked an eyebrow at them. “Do you practice that? Actually, no, don’t answer that. I do actually have to go off shift at some point today.”

Her hands flew across the console in front of her and several encrypted messages flashed up on the holodeck. Poe recognised the encryption as an old code, something they were using at least three data cycles ago.

The General selected the right decryption code and the letters morphed and rearranged themselves… to form gibberish.

Poe blinked at the display in confusion. The decrypted code was only partly in Basic, with unfamiliar symbols and letters breaking up the few words that were legible. But even as he thought that, he realised that he could make out some other symbols as well.

But… that wasn’t possible.

Finn’s quiet voice next to him broke his distraction.

“That’s partly the Massassi script, sir.” Finn was frowning up at the display, forehead creased in the same puzzlement Poe was feeling.

“How do you know that?” He blurted out.

As far as he knew, the Massassi script had fallen into disuse in the larger galaxy. Poe had only learnt the basics because his mother had insisted that he go to the lessons being held at The Great Temple as a child. For a moment he stood lost in memory of her laughing admonishment at his wronged grumpiness at being made to go to _school_ even on the planet’s designated breakday. “It is our history, chico! You should know how to read it.”

Finn looked at him distractedly, obviously also lost in thought. “There was a boy in my sector for awhile, Q-2056, he was...”

Finn paused and swallowed before continuing.

“He was recruited when he was a little older than most of us. I think he was from Yavin IV originally. He taught some of us the basics so we could… communicate. I think I’ve told you before? It was a bit of a thing...people using some of their own stuff like that even though it was against regulations, obviously.”

He trailed off, his expressive face telling Poe the rest.

“Do you recognise any of the rest of it?” The General’s voice cut through the moment, though kindness edged her words. “Do you think it could be a stormtrooper code, in that case?”

Finn shook his head, eyes clear even as he was clearly struggling with difficult memories.

“It wasn’t an official code, sir. And it varied among units. Some didn’t have it all.”

The general nodded wearily, momentary hope extinguished.

Poe stared at the three floating messages some more. Each had a different timecode so at least they could figure out the sequence with which they were meant to be arranged, but he really wasn’t a slicer.

As if picking up on his thoughts, the General nodded towards the console again and explained, “These came in yesterday from a source we trust. Since the battle at the Starkiller base we’ve heard plenty of chatter about the First Order’s activities, but nothing really concrete until now. We know their weapon stockpiles were severely affected by our strike but not their financial reserves.”

“They can’t reach out to their major suppliers directly though.” Finn didn’t seem to be so much interrupting the General as talking to himself and looked sheepish when they all turned to him.

“I’m sorry, sir!” He said hurriedly.

But the General waved him on. “No, this is why I called you here. I need your input on this.”

Poe felt a soft glow of warmth as Finn straightened even more at the General’s words, shoulders broadening almost unconsciously. It had been a pleasure to watch his innate self confidence reasserting itself over the last three months as he went through a pretty intense rehab period and started integrating into life at the base. Poe still caught the wariness in Finn’s eyes as he entered common areas – not everyone in the Resistance could forget he had been the enemy a few scant months ago – but that was fading gradually too.

Poe and the rest of the squadron had helped out where they could, especially as Rey was still on her quest for Jedi enlightenment, one hermit Master Luke included. He knew she and Finn talked whenever they could snatch time but it wasn’t the same.

Fortunately Jessica and Finn seemed to have bonded over intensely competitive games of Corellian rummy – which usually ended in at least one of them jumping up on the table in the rec room in victorious glee. The first time Finn had forgotten his wariness and let himself truly celebrate, head thrown back and arms pumping in laughing glee, Poe hadn’t been able to stop staring. Finn’s excitement was ridiculously infectious, his broad smile seeming to light up the whole room as he spun to face Poe in his delight.

There was no delight now, of course, but Finn’s quiet assurance was as heartening in a way.

“They can’t reach out to their main suppliers directly, sir. They have weapons factories, of course, but since Starkiller was Snoke’s prime focus, most of that production was tailored to equipping it. ‘Trooper gear was one of the things they cut corners on because we… I mean... they have a pretty high rate of attrition. I’d guess they need to re-establish supply lines now that their attack on the Republic has shut down some as well.”

The General held up a hand to stop Finn. “There are always some suppliers happy to play all sides of a galactic war as long as they get rich. Do you think their priority will be weapons or raw material?”

Finn answered decisively. “Weapons, sir.”

“Hmmm. That was my instinct as well.” The General rubbed a tired hand over her eyes before switching her attention from Finn to Poe. “Dameron! From your reaction I gather you recognise the Massassi?”

Poe nodded. “Yes, sir. I mean, not a lot. I learnt a bit back home, I mean on Yavin IV, but it’s been awhile and I’m not the best at slicing.”

The General snorted – somewhat hurtfully, Poe felt – before tapping something that made the holodeck turn off. “I know you’re not Dameron. But my slicers aren’t making much headway and I don’t have the time to wait.”

Poe waited, knowing enough not to interrupt whatever the General was building up to.

“I do have it on pretty good authority that _you_ scored pretty high on slicing however...”

Finn was clearly startled at the sudden switch back to him and stuttered a little bit. “No... I mean, yes, sir! But I was usually breaking your codes?” Finn fidgeted a little under the General’s regard.

“Yes, that’s why I need you. The First Order has already broken this encryption. Am I correct?”

Finn nodded. “It was broken about one data cycle ago.”

“In that case, if this was something that the First Order had intercepted they wouldn’t bother sending us a garbled message to trap us. I suspect this is was re-coded by someone who needed to communicate with us but knew they couldn’t use the last encryption they had access to. So they switched it up enough that it looks like rubbish, depending on someone’s knowledge of Massassi to key it in.”

Everyone was now looking at Poe who felt strangely exposed. “I… I don’t know, sir.” He stumbled a little, caught up in memories that he had spent a lot of time carefully not paying attention to. He cleared his throat and continued. “I make no secret I’m from Yavin IV, but so are some others on base.”

“You’re not just from Yavin IV though, Dameron. I think that’s also relevant.”

The General’s gaze was knowing enough to make Poe curse, once again, the fact that she had fought alongside his parents.

_Bloody battlefield confidences._

“I know what you’re alluding to, sir, but really I don’t think my heritage is relevant here.” He commanded himself to remain calm.

The General seemed to study his face for a long moment. “I’m not saying it is or it isn’t, but your knowledge of Massassi, elementary though it is, is more than I have in my slicer section right now. I need you on this, Dameron.”

Poe gritted his teeth against the childish rush of _unfair_ that thrummed in his veins.

“Of course, sir.”

* * *

As Finn paused near the hangar door he realised that this was the first time he was seeing Poe Dameron in a Very Bad Mood.

He had seen him tired of course, worn thin by supply and patrol runs that were as long as they were usually boring. He had seen him annoyed when BB8 got into one its moods and refused to give him a clear answer to a protocol question. He had even seen him snappish when his squadron were in too high spirits, joking around when they needed to be paying attention to the flight briefing.

But more often than not in those cases, he’d noticed that Poe slipped into bantering mode, smoothing over his orders with a smile and a joke. The First Order hadn’t exactly depended on charm from its commanding officers, but Finn recognised is as a tactic nonetheless. People followed and respected Poe because he was the best damn pilot in the sky, but they also were a little quicker to fulfill his requests because he was pretty damn charming about it.

There was very little of that charm in evidence as Poe banged about the mostly empty hangar. His generous mouth was pursed in a straight line, his brow was furrowed, his eyes shadowed with anger. BB8 stood, subdued, at the side. Finn was never sure how the droid managed to project sentient emotions quite so clearly, but there was a distinct air of long-suffering in its silence.

Finn hoicked his backpack a little more securely over his shoulder and moved further into the hangar, deliberately making enough noise to alert Poe of his presence. It was BB8, however, who noticed him first and rolled up whirring in what sounded like relief.

_Beep! Beeeeeeeep! Boop!_

Finn knelt to give his customary thumbs up greeting to the droid, something that had become a bit of an in-joke for them as BB8 had kept him company in the medical wing through painful nights that had seemed like they would never end. Finn would probably never understand why the droid felt proprietary about him but he’d never forget the comfort of its soft beeping next to him him when the darkness of his memories had threatened to overwhelm his exhausted mind.

“Hey there BB8… All set?”

The droid beeped its skepticism with a telling jerk towards where Poe was standing.

Finn hid a smile at the theatrics and rose to his feet to find Poe glowering at him.

“Ready flyboy?” He kept his voice even. Poe would tell him what was bothering him or he wouldn’t but Finn didn’t feel this was the right time to push it.

A person had the right to their secrets, even if no one else on this base seemed to think that.

Poe nodded tightly. “We’re taking one of the B-78 shuttles. They’re small enough to be sneaky but the new upgrade to their hyperdrives means they’re pretty fast too. You got everything?”

He paused at Finn’s dubious expression. “What?”

Finn raised a skeptical eyebrow, knowing nothing would jerk Poe out of his dark musings than an insult to any part of his fleet. “That thing?”

Poe didn’t disappoint, practically puffing up in indignation. “She’s a perfectly competent ship! Just because she’s not a Lambda-T4 or whatever…” He trailed off, wincing.

Abruptly Finn’s desire to tease fled. “Yeah, well, we should get going.”

He moved to walk past Poe to the shuttle door but stopped when he felt a gentle touch on his arm.

“I’m sorry.” Poe’s voice was quiet but Finn could hear his distress. “That wasn’t cool.”

Finn took a deep breath.

_You’re working things out, Finn. I’m not here to tell you how to feel but remember you have a right to your anger and hurt. Yes even within the Resistance._

He hadn’t been very comfortable with the few debrief-cum-therapy sessions the General had asked him to take part in but some things the psych had said had rung true.

He was _done_ with that.

He shrugged the hand off, gently but firmly. “No it wasn’t. Look I know you’ve got shit going on but…”

Poe nodded, not trying to apologise again which Finn appreciated. He _knew_ Poe. Knew that he hadn’t meant to be thoughtless. But it had still stung.

“Let’s just go. General said we’re heading to the Yavin system based on what we know so far. They’ll get in touch if anything new is decrypted. I have the codes too so we can keep working on them too.”

BB8 took the words as a sign to whirr into action, beeping officiously at the tech-droids to finish up their system checks.

Poe tightened his hand briefly before stepping away to where his own pack lay.

_Well at least they weren’t running straight into an Imperial firefight this time._

Hopefully.

* * *

 

Poe loved to fly. He really did. He loved the gentle vibrations of his ships as they slipped through space. He even loved coaxing them through the turbulence from unexpected space storms as his co-passengers groaned in annoyance.

From the first time his mother had taken him up into the stars he had known that it was where he belonged.

But sometimes, he had to admit, flying was _boring_.

He felt a bit guilty even as the thought formed in his head, glancing up to check if Finn had somehow heard it.

He couldn’t help but smile softly at the tableau beside him. Finn was still furiously working with the data cube he had brought along, responding to BB8’s pointed inputs at intervals.

“No I don’t think reversing the tenth cipher will work at all!”

_Beep! Beep!_

“Because I tried that ten minutes ago that’s why!”

_Boop!_

“Oh please of course I’ve tried the Terranian protocol!”

_Whrrrrr!_

“You know what if you’re so smart why don’t you test the parallel codes I’ve worked out and let me know if anything sticks.”

BB8 beeped agreeably and seemed to settle down to run Finn’s calculations.

“Going well I take it.” Poe teased lightly, hoping to get Finn to smile at him after a rather subdued few hours between them.

He was rewarded with a wry grin – he’d take it – as Finn groaned and stretched out from the chair he’d been curled up in since they had taken off.

“I don’t know how it’s going except that my back hurts like it’s been used for blaster practice... _KRIFF_!”

Finn cursed as he straightened, hands going to the small of his back to support the stretch. He looked down to meet Poe’s concerned eyes and grinned reassuringly.

“I’m fine. But I really have to spend those credits I keep getting paid on a session with the massage-droid again.”

“I could help?” Poe found himself offering.

“How? You got a private droid in this thing?” Finn looked skeptically around at the bare hull.

“Hah! I wish! No, I used to help with Pa’s back sometimes because he spent so long bent over engines he’d be twistier than a Woolmander’s tail.” Poe smiled at the memories.

Finn’s answering smile was soft before he groaned again. “I’m not gonna say no to that!”

Poe checked over the auto-controls. “We’ve got an hour before we enter the Yavin system. Though force knows where we go from there. There’s a medibunk that should work. Head back and stretch out and I’ll set the comms to open frequency in case someone wants to say hello.”

“Okay.” Finn nodded his agreement and exited the cockpit.

Poe flicked the required switches over before rising as well, quelling the slight nervousness that was fluttering in his belly. He paused at the door to the inner bay, watching as Finn flipped out the medibunk and looked towards him.

“On or off?” Poe startled at the question before realising Finn meant his shirt.

The fluttering was getting stronger.

“Oh… Well, off if that’s ok? I don’t want to hurt anything by not being able to see… You know… the implants.”

Finn shrugged his agreement. “It’s all cool with me. The implants are all healed in now so it’s fine to touch. Just a bit... sensitive… So I might startle a little but it’s not something to worry about, kay?.”

_Sensitive. Right._

Poe nodded, swallowing over a suddenly dry throat.

Finn looked at the bunk between them, hesitating for a moment before hopping astride and pulling his shirt off in a smooth enough movement though his wince betrayed the strain it caused. He then lay forward, fingers a little tight on the sides where he braced himself.

Poe moved forward, eyes tracing the neat healed-over incisions where the medi-droids had operated, as well as the more jagged scars where Ren’s saber had wreaked its cruel havoc. Unfortunately the base at D’Qar didn’t have the more advanced bacta that could have helped reduce the latter but Finn had only shrugged when the doctors told him that he’d probably always carry them.

“It’s ok.” He’d confided in Poe later. “I mean it’s not. But the Order’s put plenty of their scars on me. At least I got these fighting back.”

Poe felt warmly tender as he recalled that conversation. It had been the first time Finn had spoken to him at any length after he’d woken up and it had felt good.

It had felt _right_.

He was no stranger to bonds forged in battle. Those were the basis of most of his relationships after all. But that moment had felt different.

From the second Finn had taken off his helmet to propose the craziest escape plan in the galaxy Poe had known he’d follow him anywhere.

“Poe? You good?” Finn’s slightly hesitant voice shook him back to the present moment.

“Yes! Sorry I just wanted to check if we were ok to use the Marcan oil I have in my pack.”

Finn turned to gape at him. “ _Marcan_ oil?! Isn’t that what the Hutts use to get high??”

Poe couldn’t help a burst of laughter at Finn’s face even as he clapped a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Hutts don’t have a monopoly on it buddy! Though force knows they’d like to. It’s also really great as an oil for healing and for…. recreation.” He couldn’t help but wiggle his eyebrows ridiculously at that and it was Finn’s turn to collapse into giggles.

“You know, Pava told me you had worse game than a drunk Neimoidian but I didn’t really believe it till now!”

“I cannot believe this disrespect!” Poe pouted as he crossed over to his pack on the other side of the chamber. “I’m the best kriffling pilot in the Resistance! I have so much game!”

Finn was now fully prostrate on the medibunk, body shaking with laughter. “Like when you talked to that that Andorian courier that was at the base last week for a solid hour... But it was about his speeder?”

“Well it was a great speeder! Who doesn’t get hot talking about engines!” Poe tried to keep a straight face but dissolved into laughter again when Finn raised his head to stare at him in disbelief.

Okay, so he hadn’t really been trying very hard with the Andorian, but he also really did like to talk about engines. In his – ok Pava, fine – not vast experience, it made the sex better if his partners were more likely to laugh at his stupid jokes than kick him out of bed.

He rummaged around in his pack and found the bottle of oil after a minute. Crossing back to the medibunk he was glad to see that the tension had now gone from Finn’s body, the laughter easing his nerves. He paused for a minute and the stripped off his own shirt. He hadn’t brought many changes with him so it was probably best not to prompt any unforeseen laundry.

“So what is the oil for if not for your legendary loving?” Finn turned a little to ask, eyes widening a little in surprise when he noticed Poe’s shirtlessness.

“Uhuh, head down buddy.” Poe gently turned his face back, hands brushing against Finn’s hair for a moment. He no longer kept it cropped ‘trooper-close so the tiny curls teased softly against Poe’s fingers as he drew away.

“I bought it for my Pa,” Poe continued, “I was gonna send it to him the next time the supply runs were gonna go this quadrant but… “ He moved to uncork the bottle only to have Finn pop again, this time his eyes troubled.

“Oh man, why are you using it on me then! You said he had a bad back!”

Poe sighed and tapped on the table to get Finn to lie down again. “Because I have _two_ bottles! And also he’s not going to begrudge a little to the man who saved his son’s life!”

Finn eyed him suspiciously for a moment before letting himself be pushed down. “You saved me too so I wish you’d stop acting like you owe me for that. You better not be lying about having another bottle too!”

“I’m hurt buddy, really I am!” Poe laughed as he tipped out a bit of the softly scented oil on his hands. “Okay, I’m gonna start your shoulders and work my way down. I’ll start with a medium pressure so you let me know whether you want it lighter or harder okay?

“Okay.”

Poe placed his hands on the broad planes of Finn’s back and let the feel of the strong shoulders soak into him. Finn was pretty good about following the fitness regimen the medics had prescribed for his recuperation so the knotted tension wasn’t too bad. But Poe could still feel the lines of pain in the way he held himself.

He started out slow, giving Finn the chance to accustom himself to someone touching him. He knew Finn was pretty tactile, always ready with a backslap or hug or hand to the arm when he wanted to draw Poe’s attention to himself. But this was different. Intimate.

Finn’s hands fidgeted a little at his sides, obviously unsure where he was supposed to rest them. “You can put ‘em over your head or let them hang loose, whatever’s comfortable.” Poe kept his voice low and Finn responded to the calming cadence as he hoped, body settling a little more comfortably.

“I always wondered what it was like.” Finn’s tones were a little drowsy already. It must have been one of his bad nights then.

“What?” Poe asked lowly, watching as his hands pressed into a small knot just under Finn’s left shoulder.

“Ahhhhh… You can… A little harder.” Finn shuddered a little as the tension released in a rush. “Force that feels good! The droid never got that spot.”

Poe let Finn’s pleasure wash over him. He always forgot how powerfully this affected him.

He increased the pressure of his fingertips, slipping them down towards the first of the implants. The oil left tracks over Finn’s warm skin, little traces of where his hands had been.

“Wondered what?” He asked again.

Finn tensed as he felt pressure around the implant, then breathed out carefully. “They sent some of us as escorts when the top guys wanted to go the pleasure planets. It wasn’t strictly allowed. But….” Poe couldn’t help but snort his disgust at First Order hypocrisy. “I never went but you always heard stories.”

“What kind of stories?” Poe didn’t want Finn to get lost in his own head.

“Parties. Girls. Boys. People allowed to… touch.” Finn sighed the last word softly as Poe’s fingers completed their first circuit back up to his shoulders.

Poe’s heart ached at the wistfulness in his tone.

The First Order had so many horrific crimes to their name. Finn himself still bore Ren’s scars… inside and out. But somehow to imagine Finn – so expansive in his joy _still_ – being denied the simple comfort of touch seemed especially monstrous in its utterly banal cold cruelty.

He kept the rhythm of the massage steady, not letting his anger affect the quiet bubble that surrounded them. Finn obviously wasn’t expecting outrage, just letting another tiny part of the hurt he carried flow out. Poe would just help him let it go.

Finn sighed in pleasure again and the sound distracted Poe from his dark thoughts pretty effectively. Finn’s body seemed to melt underneath his fingertips, painful tension dissolving into fluid ease as Finn shifted to raise his arms and place them over his head. The utter vulnerability of the strong body before him made Poe catch his breath a little.

Poe had always known the fact that Finn was beautiful. That was just a fact like Tatooine had three moons. Poe would have had to made of stone not to notice the lithe grace of his body as he moved smoothly through his exercises at the gym. Not to be drawn in by the irrepressible twinkle in his depthless dark eyes.

But now the wariness that Finn always carried like a subtle shield around himself was gone. Poe had held the fate of the galaxy in his hands at one point, but somehow the level of trust Finn was showing him so unthinkingly was what it took to make him almost lose his nerve.

_Almost._

He recentered himself with a deep breath and concentrated only on making it the best kriffling massage Finn would ever get, even if one day he did find himself on a pleasure planet.

Finn however seemed determined to distract him from that goal. His stillness had given way to a gentle squirming, his sighs now bitten off groans that Poe knew weren’t pained at all.

 _Force_.

He jerked back into an awareness of his body to realise he was right there with Finn. His cock pressed urgently against the placket of his pants, his face was flushed with heat. He wanted nothing more than to bend his head and kiss the beautiful, strong body spread under his hands so trustingly. They were both so slick with oil and and edge it wouldn’t take much at all. He even knew exactly what spot he’d kiss first. The sweet dip where Finn’s neck curved into his shoulder.

_Thinking about this have you Dameron._

_No_.

He shook himself out of his haze of desire. What kind of man was he indeed, to take advantage of Finn at a time like this?

Poe was under no illusions that he was a saint, but he wasn’t that ruled by his baser instincts either. He stepped back, cursing himself as the tension returned to Finn’s body.

“Sorry….” His voice broke a little before he cleared his throat to try again. “I think that’s about it buddy...”

Finn turned then and the fire in his eyes was the same as when he realised that Poe was actually on board with his bantha-crazy plan to escape the Star Destroyer.

“Oh yeah,” He thought dizzily as he surged forward even as Finn reached out. Perfectly in sync once again.

“We’re doing this!”

* * *

 

Finn was definitely going to murder Poe. If he didn’t die of his kriffling hard-on first.

He was no stranger to being hard in the worst situations. Adolescence had hit him just as much as any humanoid in the galaxy and the official First Order line on horny young boys had that they didn’t exist… or else.

Finn remembered when they were all fifteen and a stiff breeze had gotten them squirming. There were a few tattered porno-leaflets that were passed around sometimes – holos were way too risky – but really Finn hadn’t needed much help then. They weren’t good memories exactly, _be quiet be quick_ , but his body did love those few seconds of blissful nothingness.

It had felt just the tiniest bit like rebellion.

It was only when he finally healed enough to get out on base in D’Qar that he realised just _how much_ he had been missing. The Resistance had been a boon in many ways but porno-holos were clearly why they kept winning battles they had no business even surviving.  
At least that was what had flashed through his mind as he had lain in his bed – it was all his! – sore and filthy with lube (thank you mandatory “Be Responsible About Sexual Activity! - Humanoid” pack on discharge from medical) and absolutely blissed out.

But none of the frustrated longing he’d been tamping down for as long as he could remember could compare to the feeling of Poe’s hands on him, so krffling _careful_ he was going to explode, right here on the medi-bunk.

“Rey will kill me if I don’t survive to tell her about this!” His mind supplied hazily as Poe found a spot on his lower back that seemed to be wired straight to his dick.

_Hnnnnnnghhhhh._

It wasn’t like Finn _hadn’t_ noticed Poe’s hands before. He’d felt their steadiness during the couple of rehab sessions Poe had helped out on. He’d been drawn into stories through their expressive gestures. He’d even found himself tracking their delicate movements as Poe tried to coax the millennia-old vend-droid in the cafeteria to give up its jealously guarded treasure of schroomchips.

But he hadn’t quite put together how it would feel to have those steady, strong, _clever_ hands on _him_ with the express intention of making him feel good.

_Frack!_

For a long moment there he’d thought he was okay. When the massage had started he had been too tense to really enjoy it, too alert to his surroundings to truly let go. And then suddenly his body seemed to have realised that this was _Poe_. And that same instinct that had sent him hurtling into Poe’s arms in sheer relief at seeing him alive – miraculously alive – all those months ago had also pitched him headlong into a headspace where touch was allowed to be _pleasure_.

And now Poe was stopping? Oh sweet galaxy this was _not_ fair!

Perhaps in a moment more his embarrassment would’ve stopped him but Finn was all instinct when he flipped over, _knowing_ that he wasn’t alone in this, he couldn’t be…

Poe stared back at him in shock, even as his breath came fast and his eyes burned hot trails over Finn’s skin. Finn’s elation at being right suddenly switched over an equally burning need to _touch_. To drag Poe into the same vortex of sensation with him.

Later he’d never quite be able to remember who reached out first but the shock of skin on skin was enough to take his breath away completely. Poe seemed as desperate as he was, hands that had been so steady a moment ago now clumsy in their eagerness. Finn felt both starved and paralysed with choice about where to put his hands first. Poe’s body felt so right against his, broad and powerful and yearning to get closer. Poe’s lips were so warm against his neck, strangely gentle in the midst of their urgency. Finn suddenly found his hands in Poe’s hair, urging him to raise his head. He needed to see, to _know_.

Poe came up with little urging, forehead resting against Finn’s with his eyes closed for a moment before he opened them, warm brown that looked a bit dazed with lust. Finn pushed the smugness that rose at that aside to check in. “Is this… are we…”

Poe blinked before huffing a laugh across Finn’s lips. “If you’re gonna ask me what we’re doing... I gotta tell you... I got nothing…”

Finn laughed back at him, relieved to find they could still find that between them, even now. “What’d I say… Zero game Dameron.”

Poe leaned forward. And Finn could only think that it felt completely right that their first kiss came amidst disbelieving laughter.

And then he stopped thinking at all as he lost himself in the specific taste and feel of Poe’s mouth. It wasn’t his first kiss, but it was the first he felt free to sink into without fearing discovery. The knowledge of that security was a heady thing, letting him draw Poe even closer with the hand he still had in his hair, trying different angles until they found the perfect one, drawing away to nip at that full bottom lip before diving in again.

They kissed for what seemed forever, soft and slow and then hard and wanting by turn. Finn ran his hands down Finn’s chest, exploring the texture of the dark hair that dusted his tawny gold skin before letting himself reach further down.

Poe’s resulting shudder was delicious. His mouth lifted from Finn’s to drop to his shoulder, breath skittering out again as Finn rubbed harder, hands slipping against the rough material of Poe’s pants.

“I’m going to come in my pants in about a second.” The breathless promise was breathed against his neck and then it was Finn’s turn to shudder with need.

“We should get you out of them then.” He rasped back.  
Poe braced his hands on either side of him before leaning back a little. “Can I get you out of yours too?” Finn could tell the question was serious, that Poe probably wouldn’t press it if he wasn’t on board.

Yeah, frack that.

“I’m a fair guy.” He grinned up at Poe to show how very okay he was with getting naked. “I mean you _did_ plan ahead with the oil.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Smooth Dameron rides again!”

Poe stared at him for a second before his laughter brimmed over again. “You are ridiculous. Now please take off your pants so that I can jerk you off before we drop out of hyperspace or the General calls or BB8 finds something… _Kriff_ Finn I’m dying here!”

Finn laughed and moved to kick off his pants, beckoning Poe back into his arms once he had done the same. The medibunk really wasn’t designed for two bodies but they made it work, Poe finally drawing Finn forward till he wrapped his legs around him. Poe took Finn’s cock in his hand without delay, the oil that still coated it making everything deliciously smooth and easy. Finn threw his head back at the first touch, the lovely dark arch of his throat tempting Poe to lean forward and trace it with biting kisses.

Finn knew it wasn’t going to take long, the combination of Poe and the half hour of foreplay having brought him to the edge already.

“I’m close.” He panted.

Only for Poe to bite a tiny bit harder on the next kiss before whispering, “ _Good_.”

He let himself fall, surrendering to the pleasure cresting over him like a wave. It crashed over him gloriously, ecstasy slivering through him like lightening. He knew his fingers were digging painfully into Poe’s shoulders but he couldn’t stop, his moans echoing almost obscenely loudly through the ship.

Poe kept stroking him through it, gentling his hand as Finn came down, his kisses now light.

Finn knew the calmness was a lie though, could still feel Poe hard and leaking against his stomach. He felt a lazy smile stretch his lips.

His turn now.

He slid off and before Poe could do more than gasp, had switched them around. It was now Poe braced against the low bunk, hands slipping a little on Finn’s oiled skin as he flailed out.

“Tell me how you like it.” Finn needed to hear Poe’s voice, rough with desire for this, for him.  
“I… fast, hard… I’m not going to last either, I just need your hands. Ah... _Finn_.”

Hearing his name breathed out so desperately sent aftershocks of pleasure through Finn’s sated body and he tightened his grip to make Poe groan some more.

He could feel how close Poe was to the edge and even as he wanted him to fall apart in his arms he wished they had the time to draw it out.

“We’re gonna do this again….” He kissed the promise against Poe’s panting mouth and was rewarded with another deep groan.

“You’re gonna kill me…” Poe’s pained laugh stretched into a moan as Finn felt him go over the edge, body arching in pleasure. Finn felt deliciously dirty as he felt Poe’s come drip down over his fingers, mingling with the traces of his own. He raised his hand to taste it, curious to see if Poe tasted much different to himself.

Poe’s shocked inhale jerked his head up again, slight nervousness stirring deep in his gut. He was usually on his own for this part and he wasn’t quite sure… One look at Poe’s flushed face was enough to reassure him on that front.

Doing this again was clearly _not_ going to be a problem.

* * *

 

Poe would never know how exactly he would have responded to such blatant kriffling provocation from Finn – that level of unstudied hotness had to be illegal – because just as he was about to pull his wits together BB8 came charging in from cockpit, beeping so quickly it was impossible to make out what it was saying.

The droid didn’t care they were naked and covered in come of course, but Poe certainly felt ridiculous as he leaned down to try and calm it down while Finn looked torn between embarrassment and hilarity.

_Beeeeeeeeeeepbeeeeeepwhrrrrrrbeeeeeeeeep!_

“BB8 please slow down! I can’t understand! I said slow down!” Poe tried to project firmness even as he pointed Finn towards the storage holds. He very much hoped someone had remembered to stock this shuttle with wipe-towels.

At least BB8 finally seemed to have slowed down enough for him to make out some of what it was trying to say.

“What? Are you serious? Force, that’s amazing! Great job buddy!”  
“Did it just say what I think it said??” Finn had become pretty good at understanding droidspeak but excited BB8 was another language altogether.

“Yes! By the galaxy Finn you did it! Your slice worked!” Poe felt almost giddy as postcoital bliss fizzed with glee at having concrete info after months and pride that is was Finn who had cracked it.

“Really? It worked??” Finn’s disbelief was clear as he stood frozen by the storage doors.

Poe practically bounced to his feet and over to him, uncaring that they were both still buck naked. “It did! We know where we’re going and who sent it! This is amazing!”

He found himself shaking Finn a little in his excitement. “We did it! My translations and your slicing worked!”

Finn’s smile dawned like the sun. “Fracking hell Poe! We did it!”

And suddenly Poe had to kiss him again. Had to imprint the memory of this moment in his head and his heart forever, no matter what came next. Finn responded with equal urgency, hands coming to cradle Poe’s head so that he could claim his mouth for a long perfect minute.

They finally broke apart when BB8 beeped insistently, giving them each a gentle zap.

“OW! No come on BB8 we’re getting to work!” Poe yelped at the sting and took the wipe-towel from Finn’s hands.

“Seriously droid you have to stop doing that!” Finn pulled on his pants and shirt a little grumpily and then rapped at BB8’s data port. The droid beeped extremely unconcernedly before popping out a data cube into Finn’s waiting palm.

Finn moved swiftly to the cockpit to use the small scanner mounted there. “Okay, let’s see what we have here…”

Poe dropped into his seat just as the decrypted slices began to sync up before setting up to play what was obviously a recorded holo.

And then nearly fell out of it.

“Is that _Lando Calrissian_??/” He gaped at the face that stared out from the projection. No one had heard from Calrissian since Master Luke had disappeared.

Finn looked at him curiously and then examined the holo. “He was on the kill-list but that was a pretty old picture.” He said a little dubiously.  
“No that’s him alright. This is getting weirder and weirder.” Poe shrugged and leaned over to tap the screener to let the holo run. It was still a little patchy, Calrissian’s handsome, if lined face, flickering in and out of focus as Finn ran a few last manual slices. Finally it cleared up enough for Poe to make out the words.

“Leia! I don’t know if you’ll get this or whether you’ll be able to decrypt it but I had to try and send word. Han…” Calrissian faltered for a moment and looked away but not before Poe caught the raw grief on his face. He felt like the worst of intruders to have to listen to what was obviously a deeply personal message.

“I’m sorry about Han.” Calrissian seemed to be holding on to his equilibrium with the barest of threads. “I wanted to come to you but things here are moving too fast for my old bones.” The barest smile stretched his tired face. “But here’s what I do know, the Order is sniffing around Yavin IV again. The Republic has a small base there but you know how effective they are...”

Calrissian’s face was eloquent with his disgust as he continued, “It has to do with the Temple and the Sith stuff that’s still mixed up in there. I used Massassi because I hoped one of your lot would recognise the script if nothing else. I hope to the Force that kid Dameron you told me about is still around and you got a slicer that can crack my codes.”

The very last thing Poe expected to hear was _his_ name and he could only gesture helplessly in answer to Finn’s puzzled gaze.

The screener beeped to indicate the recording was coming to an end. “I gotta go but I’ve dumped some other files that might be useful in the data-packet. Hopefully all of it got through. Be well, Leia, and I’ll see you soon.” Calrissian’s tired face faded out and the ship seemed almost eerily quiet in the resulting silence.

Finn cleared his throat and Poe looked to him again. His mind was a frenzied tangle of memories long suppressed, fear sparking through them. Finn hesitated before he spoke, but his voice was calm. “I’m sorry Poe, but I think you need to tell me about this Yavin thing.” He leaned forward to grip Poe’s shoulder, his hands a point of warmth in a world suddenly gone numb. “Trust me?”

The question was quiet but Poe responded to the soft plea instinctively, hand rising to grip Finn’s forearm to steady himself. “I _do_.” His voice sounded strangely raw. “I do. I just don’t understand how this is connected.”

“Maybe we can figure it out. Just tell me?” Finn didn’t move his hands and Poe didn’t shake them off, letting them ground him as he struggled within himself.

“I’m part-Massassi.” There, it was out. The secret he had not-quite hidden ever since Shara Bey had flown into the stars and never come back. He looked and met Finn’s eyes, ready to see the subtle darkening as he fit the pieces together. Instead he was met with calmness, Finn’s brow only slightly furrowed. “I know you’re from Yavin?”

Poe shook his head. “No. I mean yes, I’m from Yavin IV, but my parents moved there when I was born for a reason.” He paused before asking, “What do you know about the Massassi?”

Finn leaned back a little in his chair, still not breaking his grip on Poe’s arm. He spoke slowly, obviously trying to recall anything he had heard. “I don’t know much to be honest with you. They didn’t exactly give ‘troopers history lessons.” His lips twisted in an old anger. “The boy – 2048 – didn’t say much either, just used the script because he said most people wouldn’t know it.”

Poe laughed a little bitterly. “No they wouldn’t, he was right about that. Even back home it was just a few of us…” He paused again, wondering where to begin. “They must have told you about the Temple, surely. Snoke got a real kick out of that as far as I could tell.”

Finn grimaced. “Oh yeah the ‘Great Temple of the Sith Lord Naga Sadow.’” He practically spat out the words. “Built by the adoring….oh _kriff_ …” He trailed off, anger now burning through his calmness. “They never told us their names. Of course they didn’t.”

Poe nodded dumbly. “I’m sorry I didn’t want to bring it all up again…”

Finn’s eyes positively blazed with sadness and hurt and anger. “No I want to know. All the lives they’ve eliminated like they meant nothing. I want to know Poe. One day…” he paused to dash a hand across his eyes. “One day I’m going to find out where I came from. They haven’t won as long as someone _remembers_.”

Finn’s words shuddered through him, echoing his mother’s so clearly Poe felt utterly disoriented for a moment.

_We must remember._

He could only hold up his hands in answer, palms turned upwards and flat in a gesture he hadn’t made in years. He nodded to Finn, echoing the instructions the priest had drilled into his head all those years ago. “If you could put your hands over mine, palm down. It’s how we always started the stories in the Temple.”

Finn nodded, strong fingers settling over Poe’s carefully. “You went to the Temple?” He asked.

“Ma made me.” Poe huffed out a silent laugh. “I hated it then. I was just a kid and I didn’t know why it was a big deal. I just thought it was some stupid religious thing. I didn’t realise it was about her… about me, I guess… till years after when people I saw how people reacted.”

“Why do you hide it?” Oddly Finn’s question didn’t seem scary at all in the secure peace that seemed to have settled around them.

“Because the Sith didn’t just eliminate the Massassi.” He kept his voice steady. “They remade them, rewrote them, destroyed every trace of them. The legends record now that the Massassi bowed before Naga Sadow willingly. That they were greedy for power, for wealth. That brother sold sister and sister sold brother out until there was nothing left. That the last of them walked to their death singing because their suffering was going to make their god stronger.”

Finn’s hands didn’t tremble at all but his eyes had grown misty. “But they did not,” he breathed out, certainty in each word.

“They did not.” Poe echoed. “They fought, they fought to keep something of themselves through all the long years of Sadow’s tyranny. When they were made to sing his praises they sang in their own language, shadowy double-meanings hiding under every word. When they were made to build the Great Temple in his honour, they hid their history, their myths in the curves on the great hall. They carved their true names in each stone they laid, they laced their most ancient curses together in the grandest lattice of hell so that when he fell he would burn for an eternity.”

Finn spoke again, and Poe wondered at the rightness of his words. “Their revenge and resilience is known and honoured.”

Poe’s voice shook a little now. “Some escaped. Not many. Not many at all. But they did not all die there in that hell-night, on that monster’s whim. They got some of the young ones out. And they ran and they hid. Because Sadow’s lies had already poisoned the world against them. But they were charged to remember and they did not forget...”

He felt wetness against his cheeks but didn’t stop. “I am witness that Shara Bey’s foremother escaped. That she carried with her one of the sacred texts. That she protected it and so did her descendants in their turn. That Shara Bey brought it back to lay on the altar once again as was her duty. That she passed it into her son’s safekeeping.”

“I am Poe Dameron and I remember.”

“I am Finn and I will remember.”

Poe let his hands drop, suddenly exhausted but with a deep calm spreading through him. He realised he had kept their fingers intertwined when Finn tightened his grip comfortingly.

“How did you know what to say?” He asked wonderingly. The words had been perfect.

Poe looked up to watch Finn squirm a little and knew that if he touched his face he would find it hot with embarrassment. “I don’t know man… Sometimes I just feel stuff in here.” Finn raised their still linked hands to tap on his own chest, just over his heart. “I know it sounds weird.”

Poe shook his head smilingly. “You’re definitely weird, but your crazy hunches always seem to work out don’t they. I think…” He trailed off, not wanting to speak about what he suspected. Finn had enough to deal with at the moment.

Finn thankfully had latched on to the first part of his sentence. “You’re calling me weird Dameron, really?” His tones were suitably outraged.

Poe laughed and rose to his feet, pulling Finn up as well. It was strange to feel so centered after all the emotional rollercoaster of the last hour but he had rarely felt as calm.

Finn seemed the same, turning to where the screener was still displaying the additional data packs that Calrissian had sent. He squinted at the display for a moment. “So the General was right. This is definitely about weapons. But I can't see any reference to a buyer." He paused before looking back at Poe. "I think we need to The Great Temple. It seems to be at the center of this. You ready flyboy?”

Poe couldn’t help the slightly manic grin that spread across his face in answer. This ride wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon.

“Let’s do this.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I dearly hope I've managed to post this correctly as I totally mucked up timezones /o\\. I hope you enjoyed this and that I managed to hit your requests :D 
> 
> As you can see it is the first in a part of a series because holy hell so much plot! As not so subtly signalled the next bit is about Finn's future path. 
> 
> In terms of the historical worldbuilding I've concentrated on the place Yavin IV has in the Star Wars mythos. I wanted to write about resistance and survival and the many ways in which that can happen. Oftentimes in secret and in tiny increments that are as important to mark as successful insurrections. I hope that I managed to communicate some of that here.


End file.
